Making use of suffering

Funds raised as of Wed, 6/30: $1210 or 3.025%
Left to raise: $38790 or $862/wk

What a rollercoaster of a week! In the middle of  Friday night I kept myself awake for an hour or so feeling like a total idiot for wanting to raise $40G and telling everyone about it and then yesterday my fundraising total literally doubled over lunchtime.  And then I had an email waiting for me from the gang at Cedaron Medical Inc. saying they would match the first $1000 of donations in October AND an email from one of my friends volunteered to start investigating grants I could apply for.

   Last summer when I was training for and racing in my A races for the season and dealing with being laid off (two weeks early, thanks very much!) from my job, I came across this quote from Swiss philosopher and poet Henri-Frederic Amiel: "You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: Make use of suffering."  [Disclaimer: Beyond what's written about him in the wikiverse, I don't know anything about this guy.  So please forgive me if he happens to be an A1 nutcase who espoused all sorts of hateful junk, in addition to writing something that resonated with me at the time.  I promise to go down to my public library to learn more about him in the next few days.]  At the time it was very comforting to try to turn my frowns upside down and take advantage of the learning and growth opportunities I had in front of me because of all the new sorts of suffering I was going through.  That, and knowing that, in the very grand scheme of things, the suffering I was feeling could have been a lot worse:  Ann and I were a long way from the street even when I was without a job and, after all, I still had the time, health and $$$ to spend gobs of time racing on a couple thousand dollars of rubber, welded steel, and sex appeal.

   So fast forward to June and getting started on this $40,000 fundraising adventure.  If the past week is any indication of what the next 10 months will be like, I'm in store for a whole lot more opportunities to suffer even before I hop onto the new tandem (pictures coming soon, I promise!).  From the sleep-depriving worry of whether or not it's even possible; the wondering for the millionth time, 'why don't they F-ing donate already? Can't they see I'm suffering here?!?!'; the stress of staying organized and on top of the entire campaign while also balancing the other important parts of my life like, oh yeah, my wife, my friends, and my job to the frabjous joy of friends coming through with unexpectedly big donations and offers of assistance, these intense mood swings are tough to handle for someone like me who's still working on identifying and expressing strong emotions.  Even after just one cycle of this up-and-down-and-up I'm feeling like I might like to pull over and have a little barf.  But I guess the good thing is that I'll go through lots more these emotional suffering cycles before I'm done with this project and with each one maybe I'll get a little better at handling it.

Making use of suffering at the top of Cardiac Hill

or

What the end of an LT set looks like